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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23400730">A Definition</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/skships/pseuds/skships'>skships</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Essek Week 2020 [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Study, Essek Week, F/F, Fluff, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, I suck at writing, Introspection, M/M, beaujes is lowkey implied</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:01:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>974</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23400730</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/skships/pseuds/skships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He isn’t really someone that has had friends before.</p><p>Until the Mighty Nein.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett, The Mighty Nein &amp; Essek Thelyss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Essek Week 2020 [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1682044</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>95</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Definition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Day 2- Friendship <br/>This is kinda rushed and not the most detailed, because I am a nervy writer who is scared of getting characters wrong, but I just love found family dynamics and wanted to show Essek with the mighty nein!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He isn’t really someone that has had friends before.</p><p>Until the Mighty Nein. </p><p>“We are friends, ja?” Caleb asks, and what can he do but agree? He has not felt emotion towards people like has towards them. They are an enigma; loud, and brash, and good at throwing themselves into danger. They worry him, they make him mad. But he finds himself wondering how they are doing when they are away and seeking their company when they are in Xhorhas, and maybe that is not much, but it is more feeling that he has allowed himself to have for anyone else. </p><p>“Friends...I like that.” He hears himself reply, and in a few words, he is no longer as alone as he was before.The word is unfamiliar on his tongue, but it is not unwelcome. </p><p>Friendship, he comes to learn, brings forgiveness. He shouldn’t be worthy of them, but they let him in. “I have more allegiance to you than to the Empire or the Dynasty,” he tells them, and he means it. Despite it all, despite what he has done and has not done, he finds that they have barged their way into his heart and stolen it, without him realising. How they managed it, he is not sure. But he feels the weight of Jester’s hand in his, and the heat of Caleb’s lips on his forehead, and he knows that whatever they have done to soften him, it is having an effect. If that’s what friendship is, so be it.</p><p>Friendship, he finds, is different with every member of the Mighty Nein. Some were less welcoming than others, to start with, and he learns that friendship can be hard to achieve. But when it is there, it feels like what he thinks the sunlight must be like. </p><p>With Jester, it is easy. She was quick to call him a friend, quick to open her arms and envelope him in tight, almost bone-crushing hugs, that although at first he shies away, he comes to appreciate the contact. It feels secure. Jester, it seems, likes contact, and she likes pranks, and she really likes pastries, which she is always imploring him to eat. Although they are a headache, he appreciates her little messages and lewd questions. Friendship, with her, is all about affection. </p><p>Caduceus is different. He seems wise, and he had been afraid of his knowing gaze, feeling that he could read into his soul. But he is good-natured, and brings him tea, which tastes surprisingly good, although he nearly choked when Beau called it “dead people tea”, and they just sit, sometimes in silence. He enjoys the rare moments of peace, something unusual in life with the Nein, where someone can always barge in or cause a sudden explosion. At other points, they garden, and he finds that he enjoys bringing some new sprout to life. It is comforting, to give something so small something so precious, and he remembers how to care. </p><p>With Fjord, he is unsure how to proceed. To him, it seemed that Fjord was the voice of reason, the leader of the group, and he did not want to intrude. But he smiles at him too, and he finds himself snorting rather in gracefully at some of the witty comments Fjord can make. Sometimes they read maps together, something surprisingly enjoyable, and he painstakingly searches his library for any old maps that he could bring to use.</p><p>He had been scared of Yasha, of her stature and swords, but he soon realised that she can be gentle and pensive. There is a sadness in her eyes that he can connect with, and he will sit with her, and let her talk, or she will him. She’s a good listener. Noticing the rest of the Nein, he begins to pick flowers did her, and finds one of the few nature books he owns to tell her about Xorhassian plants. He is grateful though, that she has no need to shave him. </p><p>Beau and Veth are difficult, more mistrustful. He is not an excellent  physical fighter, but he tries to fight with Beau, walking away with more than a few bruises. Her tough nature confuses him, but he soon acknowledges this as her form of care. He spots the soft glances she gives Jester, and he blushes when she catches him gazing at Caleb over his book. It goes unmentioned, but he feels they are on the same side. </p><p>Veth is not always around, spending half the time with her family, and so he finds it hard to define friendship with her. Of course, she is so protective of Caleb, something that does not help his case, and she often gives him evil eyes and threatening words of “if you do anything to my boy I will shoot you”. However, she is caring, and her and jester fuss over what he is wearing and eating and doing. On a few occasions, she has offered him a swig from her seemingly never-ending flask. To him, it is a high compliment. </p><p>And then there is Caleb, where he discovers that friendship can blossom into something more. He relishes time with him, his sharp mind as they work together in spells, the gentle firmness of his hand in his own, the soft brush of his fiery hair. They talk, with Frumpkin tangled between them, and he finds solace in Caleb’s embrace. They are friends still, as they originally were, but more, he thinks, as lovers, with softness and kissing and things that he had not let himself have. </p><p>When he is sitting with the Mighty Nein, Caleb presses to his side, Beau and Veth and Jester amicably bickering while Fjord and Yasha discuss swords and Caducues offers them all tea, he realises with a pang that this is what friendship is.</p>
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